Christmas was a bit different this year

There were definite pros and cons

The week leading up to Christmas was typically spent trying to finish up all the loose ends at work, in prep for the holiday. There was a tentative rush to get to the finish line before Covid caught up. I like many others was not quite fast enough. I tested positive. This put a halt on the traditional, last-minute panic buying of Christmas gifts from local crafters. Pre-arranged plans of family visiting at Christmas were scuppered.

 

Fortunately, Covid symptoms were mild and despite being cooped up in isolation; I was able to rest sufficiently and was well tended to at home.

 

I took the opportunity to read. I love to read over the holiday period. I relish the freedom to read what I WANT and not what I HAVE to. Holidays bring the benefit of time; no sense of urgency; fully immersed; guilt-free, minus the looming to-do list; pausing to think; reflecting on what I read and taking time to assimilate & accommodate.

 

I usually have a couple of books partially read at any one time - this means I can select the book that best meets my mood in the moment. I had 3 books in mind. All with quite a different focus.

 

Firstly, ‘Braiding Sweetgrass’ by Robin Wall Kimmerer. A beautifully written insight into the reciprocal connection between indigenous wisdom and practice and the natural world. The thread of planting, tending, picking, braiding sweetgrass woven throughout, to emphasise the gifts nature provides us. A reminder to us all the importance of respect, cultural integrity and gratitude to others and the natural world. This followed a personal interest. I loved it.

 

 

In contrast, the book ‘Early Childhood and Neuro-science’ by Mine Conkbayir followed more of a professional interest. I admit I am no scientist, but I was keen to be more neuroscience-informed; to scaffold my own knowledge on child development. It was fascinating and an incredible insight into the importance of early childhood experiences on the developing brain. How positive relationships (attachment & attunement) & effective co-regulation in interactions with children can support their emotional well-being. This we well know but gaining a deeper insight into the underpinning neuro-science; a better understanding of the limbic system & how the brain reacts to stress including the effects of cortisol on the brain; the amygdala hijack which interrupts the ‘upstairs’ thinking part of the brain. I found it fascinating.

 

The chapter titled ‘Neurodiversity - The Wonders of the Beautiful Brain’ said it all, with a positive & inclusive focus on the advantages of being neurodivergent. I confess I have the final two chapters yet to read and I will most definitely have to revisit sections to fully embed the knowledge and strengthen connections in my own brain. What I found most reassuring was an emphasis on the lifelong plasticity of the brain; it’s never too late to make a positive difference through our supportive interactions with children, young people, and one another.

Thirdly, ‘The Hen that Dreamed she could Fly’ by Sun-Mi Hwang. This little, short story was an absolute pleasure to read. Less than 150 pages but each one a delight. It follows ‘Sprout’ and her maternal desire to hatch an egg and become a nurturing mother hen. A story of determination, empathy and belonging. Animal characters were brought to life with descriptions of their collective roles on the farm, individual temperaments, and natural behaviours. I kept affectionately thinking about ‘Sprout’ and replaying this sweet story in my head a long while after reading.

 

While reading in isolation I literally could not wait to get back outdoors. This was fuelled by the beautifully written descriptions of nature and the importance of connection in ‘Braiding Sweetgrass’ and ‘Sprouts’ endeavour to nurture.

 

My first venture outside, after isolation was to walk down to the local Loch side. I felt a sense of relief. Reading about the importance of co-regulation in supporting children’s emotional development and well-being and the underpinning neuroscience in Mine Conkbayir’s book was running through my mind. Being in the outdoors surrounded by nature seemed to be a natural co-regulator, supporting emotional well-being - calming the ‘downstairs brain’ and the fight/flight mode; kickstarting rest and repair response; enabling a more logical response to how I was feeling while fully utilising the ‘upstairs brain’.

 

Not only was I reflecting on the benefits of nature on emotional well-being but also on the importance of reciprocity and gratitude for nature and all the people around me, as beautifully described by Robin Wall Kimmerer. In the spirit of New Year & taking inspiration from others, I made a resolution for 2022 to be reciprocal, to consciously be grateful on a daily basis in my interactions with the natural world and in my connections with friends, family and others around me. 

 

All the best to you all for the New Year ahead

Emma Sinclair. Jan 2022.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Risky Play in Winter

 

Children are natural explorers. They are designed to move. Their instinct is to play.

Children will push the boundaries of play and often make the most innocuous play a little bit ‘riskier’ to make it more fun. I began ruminating over the importance of ‘risk in play’ for children after being invited to be part of the ‘How to Survive in Winter’ series of the Big Juicy Creative Podcast. This was inspired by the trending Guardian article at the time which coincided nicely with the decline of daylight in the lead up to Winter  Dreading a Dark Winter Lockdown? Think like a Norwegian. I was invited to discuss my thoughts on Winter is a Parenting Opportunity from the perspective of a lecturer in early years but also, as someone who has a passion for playing outdoors – running, biking and wild swimming in all weathers (I couldn’t resist adding a picture of my Winter dip in Loch Garten a few years ago as an intro to this Winter blogpost). As an experienced overthinker, I quickly realised that I had missed an important point, in the podcast; to highlight the opportunity Winter provides for exciting ‘risky play’. I had unfinished business and made a mental note to address this important point in the next Free to Reflect blogpost as soon as I finished work for Christmas and more time to reflect on my thoughts.

 

Any parent or carer of children in the early years will know, even when you think you’ve deemed a play area to be safe and removed all danger; in the blink of an eye, children will have creatively pushed random trampolines, wheelbarrows, chairs into random angles and precariously balanced their bodies into various ‘heart in the mouth’ play positions simply to feel the thrill of being ‘higher, bigger or faster’ to find the level of challenge or risk that meets their individual needs; the type of play that inevitably leaves the parent/carer thinking ‘I need to watch you like a hawk’. This is a perfectly normal, healthy, and essential part of children’s development and, believe it or not, it should be encouraged. Don’t be concerned, let me explain.

In my role as lecturer in Early Years and Childhood Practice I commonly find teaching students the concept of risky play a challenge. I enthusiastically emphasise the importance and benefits of risky, challenging play for children, but simultaneously highlight the importance of dynamic risk assessment, designed to keep our children safe and healthy. This balance between ‘taking risks and promoting safety’ develops through practice. At first thought, these two terms appear to be in direct conflict, however they are ultimately working towards the same aim (I’ll explain this in more detail shortly). Interestingly, I find many students I teach to be highly ‘risk adverse’ when it comes to children’s play.

I have observed students break out into a cold sweat at the prospect of a child in their care climbing a tree! This is over-exaggeration of course, but it highlights the true anxiety they feel of being ultimately responsible for children’s wellbeing and being accountable to parents/carers and early years settings should the child in their care get hurt through outdoor play. Therefore, the preference is to opt for a ‘better safe than sorry’ approach. This can often be found in parenting practice too where the innate instinct to protect your child from any type of play that could be deemed as ‘risky’ is found to be all encompassing. But let me explain how risk in play can actually keep children safer.

When we think about risk, we think of potential exposure to danger. Risk can be reduced by implementing effective control measures or strategies that will reduce the probability of exposure to danger. When we think about risk in children’s play, we ensure that children are not playing alongside fast traffic, not playing with small parts that could cause them to choke, removing trip hazards in playrooms etc. We cannot remove children’s exposure to risk 100% but we do enough to keep children as safe as reasonably possible. Our strategies on keeping children safe will relate to the child’s age and stage of development, giving children more freedom and responsibility to risk assess situations for themselves as they get older. What is important is we can support children to develop an awareness of risk from an early age through play. 

A young child climbing up onto a slightly raised, stable log may risk falling off due to their developing balance and co-ordination; you have deemed the distance they would fall as unlikely to cause any real harm to the child, other than maybe a small bump. However, the benefits of this simple play experience provides the child with the opportunity to test out their physical skills, take themselves slightly out of their comfort zone, test out their ability and limitations, develop the resilience to get back up and try again and/or feel the thrill of achievement. This is an example of safe and supervised, risky play. The benefits well outweigh the risk and challenge. Peter Gray writes more eloquently about this in Psychology Today Risky Play - Why Children Love It And Need It

The best conditions for risky play can be found outdoors, in natural play spaces (gardens, woodlands, parks, fields, hedge ways, yards) where there is a variety of challenging terrain for children to actively explore. Types of environment include grassy slopes, rocky obstacles, leafy hillsides, flat open fields, stony shores etc. Terrain that encourages a sense of freedom and supports a wide variety of physical movement and skill including speed, balance, and co-ordination. The availability of open-ended natural materials such as branches, pinecones, leaves, sticks, stones and other ‘loose parts’ such as discarded planks of wood, tyres, guttering are the perfect resources for children’s creative, imaginative symbolic play.

Sometimes the more a play space looks, feels, and smells like an overgrown hedge way or abandoned scrap yard sometimes the more appealing it is to children. What is important is that children feel empowered to move freely, design and construct their own play spaces, with the sensitive guidance of adults as necessary, and achieve a sense of ownership of their play space. Be prepared though, these play spaces are very likely to be less manicured, but do not be fooled, amongst the disorder, these spaces are likely to be the exciting, adventurous worlds of imagination and discovery for children. A shout out to my outdoor-orientated colleague, Alastair Davidson who explains the importance of children creating their own play spaces in the guest blogpost he wrote for Thrive Outdoors Spaces - A Practitioners Guide

Winter is a perfect time for risky play. Children playing in the rain, wind and snow gives them the opportunity to experience the elements and engage in thrilling ‘risky’ play – sledging and skidding on icy puddles is perfect example of risk in play. Children experience the ‘whooping’ thrill of sledging too fast down the bumpy hill or the precarious challenge of sliding on ice, trying hard not to fall, followed by infectious laughter. Yes, there is likelihood of tears at some point possibly due to frozen hands and wet gloves; wet feet and numb toes but the benefits for children outweigh the minor bumps and scrapes that may occur – these are normal part of childhood! I’m sure you too can recall similar childhood play memories. There are so many amazing examples of quality outdoor play practice across all seasons and weathers in Scotland, take a look at this short poetic clip on children playing in Winter conditions and their opportunities for risky play: Kindergarten - the Nordic Way

 

As you can see, children test their physical skills and agility, to learn to persevere, to build physical and emotional resilience (fall over, pick themselves up, brush themselves down, keep calm and carry on!). Children develop proprioception (the awareness of the body’s position and movement in space) and further develop the vestibular system (balance and co-ordination). But more importantly to children, sledging and skating with their friends is great fun!

Taking a risk adverse approach to play can potentially have a detrimental effect on children’s wellbeing and development. As a result, this can curtail children’s opportunity to play freely in the outdoors and miss out on the experiences previously discussed. If children are not exposed to safe, supervised risk in play such as opportunities to climb trees, run fast down hills, sledge down slopes, throw snowballs, play with sticks, jump off logs, play in mud and splash in puddles, then they will be less equipped to identify risk independently and keep themselves safe. If they are not given opportunity to test their physical abilities and limits, appropriately supported by adults or their peers, then they will be less awareness of what their body can do in play. This could result in children being less equipped to keep themselves safe in the outdoors when you are not around to watch them. Especially when they start to experience peer pressure and conformity in older childhood, and be possibly less equipped as a result, to think about the bigger risks they may be exposed to and consequences of their actions when they are allowed more freedom to roam. In this Guardian article 2019 Mollycoddling our children were fuelling mental illness in teenagers Jonathan Haidt identifies the social and emotional effects of overprotecting children from the normal stressors in life, in particular the link to the rise of anxiety and depression in our young people today. I have mixed feelings about this article however, it is worth a read to get your perspective?

 

Children should be encouraged to go outdoors all year, experience the changing seasons including the cold, wet and snowy days – I would argue it makes play more fun! Dressing for the weather is the key. Tip - dress children in warm layers appropriate to the weather conditions, 2-piece waterproofs work best in snowy, cold, wet weather (quick access for the inevitable emergency pee behind the tree), lined-boots keeps toes toasty and water-proof gloves are essential if you want your children to last more than 2minutes playing outdoors in the wet snow. Getting a bit wet and cold helps builds children’s resilience! Children who learn to be physically and emotionally resilient are better able to deal with future challenge and adversity as they grow and develop. Of course, all of this is supported through sensitive interaction of adults, knowing if and when to step in with the required assistance.

 

Finally, the language we use as adults around children during play is important. How we talk to children should not make them feel that we don’t trust them to assess the risk or have confidence in them to make the right decision when keeping themselves safe. Use your language to encourage children to think about safety for themselves rather than telling them what is safe and what is not. For example, instead of saying ‘Be careful, you are going to fall if you climb on that!’ try instead ‘That branch is wet, could it be a bit slippery? What do you think?’ Support children to develop independent risk assessment skills, however, be prepared to step in quickly, if the risk the child is willing to take, is inappropriate.

On that final note I will draw this blogpost to a close. I hope I have sufficiently championed the benefits of risky play for children but more importantly to get outdoors in Winter and share the thrilling, risk-taking experience of skating on icy puddles and sledging on snowy slopes alongside your own children. We are never too old to play or to find out what our body can do by engaging in thrilling, scream-inducing risky play. I will continue to model this play behaviour and practice what I preach. I will leave you with a picture of my most recent risky play experience… problem-solving ways to cross a burn while keeping my feet dry and warm!

 

Enjoy the festive with family and let us all look forward to a happier New Year 2021. Emma.

23^rd December 2020

Stressed Out

 I love my job.

I find the work I do interesting, rewarding and challenging in equal measures. When it’s good, I feel completely on top of all my teaching responsibilities, I am organised, and I have the time and capacity to make the valuable additions to teaching. Encouraging student reflection to make learning meaningful. I take time to read books and trending articles on childhood practice that support my teaching and the students subsequent learning. A total feeling of being ‘in my element’ and on top of the world.

In an instant I can be sent into a nose-dive of anxiety and stress. Fight or flight kicks in, coffee consumption increases, confidence dips and late-night working and restless sleep follows. This can be triggered by a single email, the thought of an upcoming task or project or simply being in the thick of a busy marking period of the semester. This sounds worse than it is, but the pattern of peaks and troughs is indeed real. Thankfully, these times of uncertainty don’t last long and as soon as the drama has resolved itself or the deadline has been met, I once again feel that all is good. I can cope knowing that these phases will shortly pass, and they are lessening with experience. I recognise this as a reflection of my confidence, self-esteem, and resilience. During these periods, my wellbeing can be affected short-term, but I question the affects to my long-term physical health?

I made some interesting links while listening to the most recent podcast by Dr Rangan Chatterjee in his conversation with Dr Jenna Macciochi on How to Keep Your Immune System Healthy. (Episode 125. 30^th September 2020). I have a keen interest in health and wellbeing so immediately purchased Dr Jenna Macciochi’s book ‘Immunity – the science of staying well’ (2020).

Dr Jenna Macciochi (2020) explains that stress is a normal part of life. When periods of stress are short-lived, we benefit. Stress prepares us for challenge, keeps us alert and ready for action. Without stress we would not develop resilience. Our physical body is well-prepared for stress. With an effective autonomic nervous system our body releases the required amount of adrenaline to prepare us for ‘fight or flight’ in response to the perceived stress. Our body is effectively equipped to bring us back into a healthy equilibrium once the stressor has passed. I recognise that these rollercoaster dips I experience, as part of my working life are common, modern-day stressors.

What is concerning is that I am aware that prolonged stress can have a significant impact on our immune system. Especially if we are not giving ourselves the time to recover. Modern stressors have become ‘normalised’ and a way of life. However, our experiences of low-level stress make us even more vulnerable to further stress responses. (Macciochi 2020).

When I begin to feel ‘stressed’ or ‘busy’ I am much more likely to reach for the chocolate and fatty food snacks, I am inclined to stay up late into the night marking or preparing classes, I go to bed feeling ‘blue-screen wired’ which affects the quality of my sleep and I am considerably less active outdoors during the day. I know that these health-harming behaviours, coupled with emotional effects of stress, could be having a detrimental effect on my health, making me more vulnerable to viral infection.  Stress is further exaggerated with the current Coronavirus pandemic that has us all in a continued state of uncertainty and has caused us to rethink and make changes to our everyday behaviours to protect ourselves and others.

I began to revisit what I know about the impact stress has on children and young people’s health, wellbeing and development too. The ACEs movement (Adverse Childhood Experiences) has raised awareness of the impact toxic stress can have on children and its long-lasting effects on physical health into adulthood. This was documented well in the 2017 film Resilience: The biology of Stress and the Science of Hope and the work of Dr Nadine Burke Harris on How Childhood Trauma affects Health across a Lifetime. “A child with 4 or more ACEs has double the risk for asthma… hospitalisation increased with each ACE” (Macciochi 2020:174). I previously considered the effects of ACEs on emotional regulation in a 2018 Free to Reflect blog post I wrote.

For many of us stress is a fact of life. In the book Dr Macciochi discusses a range of stress-busting solutions that can help us to interrupt the build-up of stress and lessen the effect on our health. I was relieved to find out many of these life hacks can easily be incorporated into our daily routine. It goes without saying that a healthy, diverse diet and good quality sleep patterns will boost our health and wellbeing and help us deal with stress more effectively. Other influences include a strong social network of family and friends; deep breathing practices and mind-body therapies such as mediation, yoga, mindfulness; forest bathing and regular exposure to nature (Macciochi 2020)

But what I found most interesting was the concept of ‘hormesis’ – this is a good kind of stress that can help you build in resilience. This involves deliberate exposure to stressors, to become stronger. Anyone who knows me can imagine my excitement when I read that Cold Stress is an effective way to build resilience. I occasionally enjoy open water swimming in a local loch close to where I live. The water is cold, and it gets colder as winter approaches. The act of swimming turns into much shorter cold-water dips as the seasons change.

I could not have explained to you why I find this cold water exposure so appealing, all I know is that it’s not easy, it’s freezing, it can be painful but it just feels really great afterwards! Dr Macciochi helped me to understand why. Open-water swimming is an activity to be enjoyed with friends, for safety reasons, but the social comradery that is experienced is a stress release in itself - Where would we be without our friends? It releases ‘feel-good’ endorphins that last. It also, creates a sense of relaxation.

With repeated cold-water immersion, the body acclimatises to the cold, activation of sympathetic nervous system activity (fight or flight response) declines while the parasympathetic nervous system activity (calm and composed response) increases. It does not eliminate the stress response, but it helps us to build resilience and cross-adaption enables us to deal with other stressors more effectively (Macciochi 2020). There are so many other health and wellbeing benefits to cold-water immersion but an additional blog post will be required for that.

I still have a lot to do when it comes to managing stress effectively and I need to practice what I preach. I became so engrossed in my thoughts for this blog that I found myself reading and writing into the early hours of the morning.  The subsequent lack of sleep resulted in a feeling of lethargy the following day – not setting a good example. My ability to be resilient and deal with stress effectively continues to be a working progress but I feel equipped and I have a repertoire of stressbusting, life hacks as advocated by Dr Macciochi. For now, I aim to get a good night’s sleep and plan another resilience building, cold-water swim tomorrow morning – anyone want to join me?

Loch Morlich, 22nd December 2019

 

 

 Emma Sinclair. October 2020.

 

 

 

Saturday Morning Musing

 I love Saturday mornings. Fresh coffee and listening to another Big Juicy Creative podcast.

A busy week, working from home deserves a long lie and a slow, gentle introduction to the weekend. The perfect conditions for planning my Random Acts of Living (RAL) for the week ahead, inspired by my friend and Big Juicy creator Suzy.

Listening to the Big Juicy Creative podcast has made me think more deeply about the concept of creativity. I do feel I am an innately creative being. I have a love for music, I have an impressive ability to sing along to lyrics of random songs with little idea on who the singer is or how I even memorised the songs in the first place. I will very occasionally search out my pencils and take to drawing trees again, usually inspired by my long walks with my dogs in the beautiful Cairngorms and distinct memories of a charismatic but slightly unhinged Art teacher from my old school days.

Creativity goes beyond the realms of music and art, it is an act that promotes thinking, feeling, doing and reflecting. It involves creating thoughts and experiences for oneself as well as others, as actor and coach Jennifer Blaine explained in the Big Juicy Creative Podcast, episode 4.

I have always focused on promoting the importance of creativity for children and young people in my work. Inspired by the magnificent Sir Ken Robinson, who will be deeply missed but will continue to further inspire generations of people. Supporting creativity in children and young people involves providing nurturing, loving environments with opportunities to think freely; to problem-solve; to play, explore and discover; to make mistakes and learn from them.

I was heartened to hear Suzy and Jennifer Blaine talk about the importance of creativity in education. With an increasing pressure on children and young people to ‘catch up’ on learning since returning to school after lockdown, there is a concern that the focus on ‘catching up’ may squeeze out opportunities for play-inspiring creativity. With increasing concerns over the mental health of our children and young people, surely now is the time to put creativity at the heart of learning. Numeracy and literacy are embedded in everything we do. As Jennifer Blaine said ‘Children are more than their scores’

I am most inspired and creative when I am out playing in nature. From my early years, growing up in rural Wales, I have felt a connectedness with nature and trees, in particular. I am partial to swimming in Scottish lochs or trail running through the hills and local pine woodlands. The Big Juicy Creative podcast (episode 3) featuring Lynbreck Croft farmer, Lynn Cassells definitely struck a chord with me. It further promoted the importance of being in tune with nature but more importantly having the courage and creativity to take a risk in following your dreams. I was inspired by Lynn and her partners confidence and openness to make a career change and learn their craft by doing. My forester husband despairs at my lack of ability to identify different tree species but I have learned to overcome my ‘FOMOOK’ (fear of missing out on knowledge) as Suzy suggests and I simply enjoy the emotive experience of being in nature.

I often associate creativity with friendship. People close to me inspire me. I can withdraw at times, depending on what my preoccupations are. I have a tendency to be an all or nothing kind of person. I easily loose touch with my friends for periods of time but in my head they are always there. I am lucky to have the kind of friends that even if I haven’t seen them for weeks or months on end, I can meet with them as if it was only yesterday that I saw them last. I am actively inspired when I am with my friends. I find myself working towards goals alongside them – whether that is reading the next book club book choice or training for the next triathlon (you know who you are). Often my creativity is at its best when I am engaged in something fun and playful with my friends.

Another Big Juicy Podcast that inspired me was Suzy’s first interview with the local artist Ann Vastano.  I was delighted to listen to how her artwork is an extension of herself – her feelings, her experiences and connection to place. Ann Vastano embodies colour and grace and her suggestion to ‘dress to how you want to feel’ has inspired me to bring more colour into my life. I have always been attracted to the colour yellow. I think I associate the colour yellow with sunshine and warmth. It has a physical effect on me – it instantly brightens my spirit and makes me happy. I am curtailed by my family however, when it comes to decorating my house. I am happy to retreat to my one yellow room in the house, which is my study, where I currently work from home during the pandemic.

Obviously, my work as a lecturer in Early Years and Childhood Practice is a part of my life that requires me to be creative. However, there are times where we move into automatic pilot, getting the job done in the way it’s always been done. Time constraints and capacity can hinder the creative process. I need to remember to make time and space in my week to reflect and develop myself and my knowledge. I have a tendency to buy inspiring books on play and learning in the early years or on inspiring teaching and learning but many of them end up on the bookcase unread and dusty. Inspired by the Big Juicy Creative movement I officially commit to finding time and space, in my busy schedule, to follow my work-interests and expand my brain on a weekly basis.

Again, I can honestly say that I am surrounded by a team of professional friends and a strong community of practice that inspire and support me (you know who you are). As I write this, the imposter in me is thinking ‘this is not good enough’ and ‘I need to back this up with informative links and  in-text referencing’ but I correct myself and inspired by Dr Alice Mongiello I will put thoughts of imposter syndrome aside, take an emotional risk, don’t over-think and post my thoughts. Anyway, this is my Saturday morning musing, over coffee and is definitely not meant to be an academic piece of work.

Back to planning my Random Act of Living (RAL) for the day. A cold-water dip in Loch Insh it is then.

Emma Sinclair. 26^th September 2020.

 

Subscribe to the Big Juicy Creative Podcast. www.bigjuicycreative.co.uk

 

 

High Emotions in Aldi

An interaction I had with a fellow shopper in the local Aldi supermarket had been playing on my mind. 

I was not necessarily cross but I was frustrated enough that I couldn't seem to let it go for a significant amount of time afterwards. 

It had all started when I had duly waited my turn in the checkout queue to return an item that I had bought earlier in the day. I thought this would be a straightforward return and exchange but unfortunately a form had to be filled in before the exchange of chocolate coated rice-cakes could take place. My initial thought, from someone who tries not to be a bother to anyone, was that I was holding everyone up in the queue behind me. My natural instinct to apologise for everything kicked in. I turned to the lady behind me and said "Oh dear, I'm sorry, now I seem to be holding everyone up" It was immediately clear from her verbal response and her body language that she was not happy at all with the inconvenience.

Slightly shocked I could immediately feel my body going into the fight or flight response - I could feel the adrenaline rushing as my hands started to shake. However, anyone looking on would have observed me to be calm, confident and not at all undeterred by the interaction. In my concern, that other people felt the same frustration, I mouthed the word sorry to the the lady further behind in the queue who in return kindly smiled and nodded. Quickly after the rice-cake exchange took place and polite thank yous were given I left the shop. The interaction was so brief I doubt anyone would have noticed however, it was playing on my mind.

As I was driving away I was aware of my thoughts as I was replaying the interaction in my head. On one end of the scale I felt hurt that someone I didn't know could upset me in public and wondered why the response from this person had been so negative when the response from the lady behind her was kind and reassuring - why did she have to be so rude? Especially when I had been so happy, heartily singing along to the radio in the car not 5 minutes earlier. Why couldn't she have shown me kindness too? Should I have said something? Why didn't I say something? However, on the other end of the scale my thoughts were telling me that the persons response was more about how she was feeling at the time and I had indeed done the right thing by letting it go. She must have been having a bad day? Maybe I was going to make her late for an appointment? Maybe she was unwell? Yes I was right, I needed to be kind. 

Funnily enough, earlier that morning while scrolling online I saw and saved a link to a Ted Talk that I thought I would find interesting titled "You aren't at the mercy of your emotions - your brain creates them". The premise being that we have more control over our emotions than we think. Emotions are not hardwired reactions that are uncontrollable. Our emotions are based on guesses or predictions that our brain constructs in the moment that are based on our past experience. Lisa Feldman Barett claimed that emotions that happen to you are made by you and we can teach our brain to predict differently which will change our behavioural response and enable us to be the architect of our own experience. This means we are responsible for our own emotions and although not easy, with significant time and practice we can learn to have more control over our emotions and subsequent behaviours which can lead to more positive health and well-being. (Felman Barett 2017) 

As I watched and listened to the Ted talk later in the day I couldn't help but make reference to my own emotions and response during the interaction in the store earlier that day. Although I was able to rationalise a more tolerant and understanding response to the situation I still felt hurt and mildly irritated when I later replayed the scenario in my head. Was I being overly sensitive? To me the emotions I felt seemed like they were automatic, like my brain was hardwired to feel this way in response to the situation. 

Working in early years and being ACE aware (Adverse Childhood Experience) it made me think how difficult it can be for many children, young people and adults who grow up with varying degrees of adversity and resulting toxic stress to have control over these emotions. Especially if our emotions are constructed by ourselves in the moment through predictions based on past experiences. Although what is reassuring is research does show that over time and in supportive relationships we can work on building resilience which will help us learn to self-regulate our emotions (and behaviour as a consequence) however this needs time, support, patience and tolerance. 

This needs to start in the early years through positive relationships with significant others and continue into adulthood with strategies designed to support emotional self-regulation to mitigate the affects of adversity. Further discussion with my Early Years colleague highlighted the importance of allowing children the opportunity to experience risk in play, particularly the type of thrilling, risky play inspired by the outdoors (climbing, balancing, jumping, going fast, using tools, building fires) which can in itself help children to develop resilience by learning to deal with emotions such as anxiety, fear, stress but in a safe, reassuring environment. We need to allow children the freedom to take risks in their interactions with others. To do this we need to step back and give children the opportunity to sort out difficult social interactions for themselves, enabling them to learn valuable life skills such as compromise and negotiation, better equipping them for such challenges in the future. 

I'm happy that an inconsequential interaction in a local checkout queue inspired me to think a bit more deeply about our emotions, our behaviours, how they affect ourselves and others. But more importantly to consider how we can promote the development of resilience and emotional self-regulation in early years.

I'm sure the lady was just having one of those days (as we all do) and if she were to pass me in the street I have no doubt she would smile at me and I would smile back.